Monday, February 28, 2011

Feeling your feelings....

Warning: this entry is not about running or nutrition or anything relating to physical health. The topic relates to emotional/ psychological health- which is just as important.

I wanted to blog about feelings today because I had an insightful therapy session this morning and I just want to blog about it. A little insight about me....

So, feelings. I have a hard time understanding what feelings feel like and what they means. I know this might be difficult to imagine but it's true. I guess I missed that day in preschool when the teacher held up a smily face and said "Happy" and then the sad face and said "Sad". Ok, it's not that bad. I'm talking more like distinguishing between feelings that are somewhat related, like mad and frusterated, sad and hurt, lonely and alone (I have a harder time with the unpleasent stuff. who knows why?) I guess I never knew there were so many. Just look at this "smiley-face feelings guide". I have no idea what's going on. And even if i was aware
of what "demure" meant- I have no idea what demure feels like.

Whenever I come across an uncomfotable situation or an unpleasent feeling, my instinct is to run away, avoid the problem and not deal with the feeling. This scenerio came up this weekend, and instead of saying "you're ignorant comments are pissing me off!", I choose to remove myself from the situation- leaving my emotions in the dust.

Now, why was that a problem? I just felt like I was a little immature, storming out like a kid having a tantrum, slamming doors and throwing toys. But, I honestly had no idea what I qwas feeling or what was going on inside me. All I knew was that I was uncomfortable and if I had to sit there any longer I was going to punch someone in the jaw.

The therapist advice to me, "feel your feelings". What? aaaaahhh Psychology is so ridiculous!!!

I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what that means and I think I figured it out. I think I should face these uncomfortable feelings and explore them. Instead of running away from a situation when I get mad, I should say "Hey! I'm mad!" and acknowledge the fact that I feel like my insides are boiling over. Hopefully, I remember this entry the next time I'm upset and instead of breaking all the good china, I will be able to express myself with words.  

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